Desperate Obsession 1

‘A day I will lose my shame and dignity will come, and that would be the end to my hypocrisy and the beginning of my downfall’,

..and that day eventually came, never like ever. This is not about partying or smoking or any such thing that I secretly do; this is about my wildest fantasies. I’m known as this introverted, quiet girl, which I’m not, but all for the sake of my family’s reputation, I have to put up with this charades

L.O.L
I was never like this; I mean, I was a very good girl, not until I read something about 'Your third self’, the inner version of who you are, most likely what you really want to be—craziest desires.

That channeled all the low-key desires I have been having, and I also realized I just have this one life to live, so why should it be patterned? Life is a lot more than the two ways it’s been presented.

Probably my third self will have been ignited long before, but due to the society I live in and the mentalities around me, it’s quite unfortunate that being the real you isn’t an option. Too bad!

The day started well with nothing much to do until I was told we were going to have visitors, so we had to start preparing. I’m always on my own, not a daddy nor a mommy girl. Do whatever I was supposed to do, straight to my bedroom.

The visitors came, and I was beckoned to come say hi to them. How I wish I never did, but there wasn’t a way out. From hello to zero, zero bit of self-respect I don’t know if I was going to enjoy sex or not, though I have helped myself with my body, but that didn’t last long. So, I wasn’t really into guys, I feel, but I have seen attractive guys and kind of have a spec, but... I guess I’m even confused.

All I know is that the guy has everything—body, height, smile, hair—but that skin color, oh no. I’m not a racist, but I mean, it’s my spec, innit? The guy has a fair complexion.

Custard bucket?

Why na?

All these thoughts in just a few seconds of saying hi to him?. I went back to my room, already fantasizing about our lips and bodies together, with his hands on me from my neck to the middle of my breasts. Now I could feel the weight of my breasts in his hands; he was about to suck them when I heard my name.
'Ifeeeee!,

'Come say goodbye to them’, my mom said.
Gosh, it felt so real.

'Ife, you’re so crazy’, I thought.

I stood up from the bed and went to say my goodbyes. Can you believe this guy didn’t even look at my face?. Omo, shey, you dey whine me ni? A whole me. Seriously, I don’t know what I thought of myself; this wasn’t me, or, may be, my third self. But I still didn’t feel bad fantasizing about him; why should I?

I thought that was a one-time thing until I saw a notification of a new follower on Instagram. Who could this be? I wanted to ignore it, but I just checked the person’s profile and guess who it was. My fucking baby! Not baby, literally, or not yet my baby, but you know who it’s now.
 Ola!!
No one taught me before I followed him back and sent a message to him. He replied almost immediately. We started talking well and got to know each other. I asked him for his pictures. Omo, this guy is fine, although not completely my spec, but fuck complexion; who ever said I like dark guys? Every time I’m always with my phone, I check his pictures and videos. At times, I come looking at his pictures. If his pictures could do this, what more can his physical self do?

I was already high with this boy, whom I barely knew for 2 months. My fantasies kept increasing. This guy don gbe mi trabaye o!
I already like him, or may lust. But at that time, it was like.

Is it probably too soon to like someone?

I really don’t care. We don’t chat every day, and sometimes when we do, it is always so casual. He was already giving friends zone, but for where? Not with me. You have entered this one.
Ife: What’s up, boo?
(..already calling him boo?, but he shows no problem with it, so why should I mind?)
I feel we should hang out. What do you think?
Ola: Sure, why not? Any place in mind?

I didn’t have any place in mind, but I will definitely look for it. Days later, we found a place, and on one weekend, we went out.
We were having lunch at this very place, but my mind and soul weren’t there any more, leaving my body to be eaten while my soul started fulfilling some of my fantasies with this guy in front of me. It was so great until I was brought back to life by his voice.
'What kind of refreshment would you like?’.
I told him what I would love to get, and later we headed our way out.
' Why don’t we go over to your place?, since your parents aren’t around’. I said.
I wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip by.
Ohh, really?
Yeah
Okay, cool
Then, we got to his house, ordered some refreshments, played games, and more. We were already watching a movie on Netflix, meaning it remains for us to chill, right? We sat on the same couch but at different distances. My mind was again away from the movie we were watching. I knew I had to take my chances, never to be missed.
I started coming closer. He noticed, but just smiled.

‘I’m not doing bad..' , I thought

He was putting on shorts, so I started touching his legs, then I bent down to start kissing his legs.

Aren’t these the things he should be doing to me, not the other way around?

But I didn’t mind; I continued. He shifted, which made me raise my head.
'We aren’t meant to be doing this, you know’, he said.
'Why? don’t you like me? , Haven’t you been giving me the signs?'
Although it was so obvious he gave no signs, I still have to lie, 'cause why not?
'I don’t like you; I see you as a friend'
 'Really?, It doesn’t mean I like you, and I feel that will be enough for the both of us'
Standing up and shaking his head, I could feel he didn’t like the situation, but I don’t care; I just want to have you. I’m so damn desperate.
'So what do you want?'
'Make love to me’, I said calmly.